


Gotta Make This Look Good

by Brightest_Moonstone



Series: The Trope Pit of No Return [1]
Category: Sly Cooper (Video Games)
Genre: Carmelita is a Mess, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Undercover as a Couple, sort of a casefic, the fic that would not die, tropefest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-13 10:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13569111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brightest_Moonstone/pseuds/Brightest_Moonstone
Summary: An undercover mission takes a unexpected turn for Carmelita when she finds herself in need of a partner and Sly Cooper volunteers his help.The mission? Three days undercover at a couple's resort.Awkwardness, hilarity and maybe a little bit of detective work ensue.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome.
> 
> I noticed a tragic lack of fake married Sly/Carmelita fic here on AO3 so in the great fandom tradition of 'if you have an idea you have to write it yourself' I picked up a pen and got to scribbling.
> 
> Initially this was supposed to be short and a little silly full of bedsharing and hand holding it just grew and grew and kept growing (hence my tag) I hope you enjoy.

Inspector Carmelita Fox pressed her phone to her ear pacing back and forth, as she listened to her partner for her undercover assignment explain his lateness. “Appendicitis?"

She could picture Sergeant Jacques Greyfaires, a junior officer in her division and husband to Carmelita’s best friend nodding frantically as he spoke. “Yes, I had to rush her to the hospital Inspector, I’m so sorry. If I leave now I can still…”

“No Jacques stay with your wife.” Carmelita kneaded her temple. “I’ll handle it.”

“But Carmelita… Inspector Fox I mean…”

“Sergeant Greyfaires you are to stay with your wife and if Barkley says anything I will handle it. That is an order.”

And Jacques loyal to a fault sighed down the phone, “yes Inspector.”

“Good man. Give Vi my love.”

“Yes Inspector, please be careful.”

“Your wife would never let me hear the end of it if I wasn’t.” Carmelita smiled gently and terminated the call.

This job would be difficult on her own, maybe even impossible but Carmelita was an officer of the law and she would face any challenge. She would not back down.

She could do this.

Squaring her shoulders, she marched up to the building’s double doors. ‘ **Eros** ’ the sign above read, ‘ **Couples Health and Wellness Retreat** ’.

Carmelita pushed open the doors and stepped into the lobby, the whole room was blinding white except for a few strategically placed potted plants and there was some kind of tinkling wind chime and flute music being piped in.

Carmelita hesitated, maybe she’d overestimated her level of ‘ _got this_ ’.

“Good afternoon ma’am. May I help you?” The girl on the desk looked up at her.

Carmelita started; she hadn’t even seen the receptionist, a young white cat in a white beautician’s coat buttoned up to her neck. The girl practically blended into the décor. Faking a smile Carmelita walked up to the desk. “Hi I’m here to check in.”

The girl peered around her, “and your husband ma’am?”

“He’s on his way.” Carmelita said smoothly, she just needed a quick look around, she was sure she could get in and out before anyone discovered the lie.

“I’m sorry ma’am but I can’t check you in unless you’re both here. Resort policy.”

Carmelita tilted her head, struggling to keep the smile on her face. “He’ll be here soon, I’ve come a long way and I’d like to get freshened up.”

The girl shook her head. “I really can’t ma’am. I’m sorry.”

Carmelita gripped the edge of the desk, leaning forward. Don’t get angry don’t get angry. She wondered if this girl knew that her boss was a suspected trafficker. Probably not. “Look Bianca…” She said her eyes flicking to the cat’s name tag. “I’m sure he won’t be much longer so maybe you could make an exception just this once.”

The girl, Bianca was frowning at her suspiciously. “What name was the booking under ma’am?” She asked fingers moving over her keyboard.

“It’s Cooper. We’re on the list.” A man’s voice cut in and Carmelita felt an arm around her shoulders.

Bianca’s demeanour immediately changed, smiling sunnily, she checked the computer. “Yes, here you are.”

Carmelita turned her head, mouth open in wordless rage. Sly Cooper was standing next to her, one of his damnable smug smirks on his face. “Sorry I’m late darling.”

Carmelita nearly punched him but Bianca interrupted brightly, 

“There you are, all checked in. I’m sorry about the confusion earlier Mrs Cooper.”

Carmelita’s head snapped around so fast she nearly gave herself whiplash. “Don’t call me that.”

“Oh umm…” Bianca blinked.

Cooper still with his arm around her laughed, “’Lita kept her own name when we married.”

The slightly vacant professional smile was back on the girl’s face. “Oh of course. Now we do prefer couple’s to go by one name when they are with us, it helps with the holistic unity of the space.” She waved a hand gesturing vaguely. She slid a pair of nametags toward them. “Now would you like to go by your name or your husband’s name during your stay?”

Carmelita grit her teeth, “excuse us for a moment.” She said grabbing a fistful of Sly’s shirt and dragging him back to the doors. “What are you doing here?” She hissed.

“Looks to me like I’m saving your hide, unless you’ve actually got some secret husband that you’re having marital difficulties with?” He leant against the wall still smirking.

“Give me one good reason I shouldn’t arrest you right now.”

He snorted, entirely nonplussed by the threat. “And let everyone know that a cop was trying to get in? How long do you think it’ll take for any evidence you might be after to end up in a paper shredder? Faster than you can get back here with a warrant I’d wager.”

Carmelita bit back a frustrated scream, he was right.

“Look Carmelita,” he tried to move closer and Carmelita shoved him away. “She’s watching.” He whispered. “We’ve gotta make this look good right?”

Carmelita hated that he was right again but let him move into her personal space.

“We both want the same thing, can’t we work together?”

“You just want to get in so you can steal something.” Carmelita snarled prodding Sly in the chest.

He shrugged, “well… it is me.” He bent his head. “Make your choice quickly, our friend Bianca is getting suspicious.”

Carmelita weighed up her options, potentially busting open a worldwide trafficking organisation in exchange for spending three days pretending to married to Sly Cooper. _Or_ slink home in disgrace, her tail between her legs.

Three days stuck with Sly Cooper.

Disgrace was looking pretty good right about now.

She sighed, no, she was an officer of the law, any challenge and all that. “Fine.” She said stiffly storming back toward the desk. “Cooper.” She said filling out the name tag with what was probably more viciousness than the poor sticker deserved.

“I did like the ring that ‘Sly Fox’ had to it.” Cooper said filling out his own name tag.

Bianca laughed a little uneasily, she probably thought that the pair of them were mad. “Now you two are in the Scarlet Suite, lucky you it’s the best in the resort.”

“Lucky us indeed.” Sly said taking the keys and picking up Carmelita’s bag. “Here let me.”

Bianca directed Sly toward their room and Carmelita let him go ahead, taking the moment to gather her temper. 

“Your husband seems nice.” Bianca chirped. “Very friendly.”

“Oh yes he’s good at being friendly.” Carmelita ground out.

“Ooh.” Bianca made an understanding noise and pulled one of the resort brochures out from under the desk. “Here for you, Dr Carlisle has an excellent seminar on infidelity.”

Mechanically Carmelita took the paper the girl passed to her, “what?”

The vacant smile was gone and a much more dangerous and knowing expression was on the young cat’s face. “When you work here long enough you learn all the double talk.”

Carmelita felt herself nod as she turned to follow Sly, she had the sudden feeling that this might be a lot more difficult than she had first anticipated.

 

Sly was setting up in the suite, he had left her bag neatly on the end of the bed and he, himself was sprawled in one of the plush red armchairs by the window. Red seemed to be the overall theme of the room, red curtains, red sheets and heart shaped red and pink cushions on the heart shaped red bed. Red shaded lamps and a red door leading to the ensuite. Thank goodness the windows faced north, she’d hate to see this room at dusk it must look like a crime scene. At least the view was nice, the room overlooked the cliffs at the edge of the resort and she could see the ocean, sparkling turquoise stretching out toward the horizon.

“Now according to the itinerary we have free time until the meet and greet dinner this evening.” Sly said waving the resort guide.

Carmelita turned away from the window and crossed back to the bed. “How long have we been married?” She asked unzipping her bag, if she was going along with this ruse then by god she was going to do it right.

“Two years.” Sly responded not missing a beat. “We dated for a year before hand, we met just after I moved to Paris… on a walking tour of the city’s architecture.” He gave her a significant smirking look that Carmelita firmly ignored.

“When’s our anniversary?” She asked moving a pile of folded clothes into the wardrobe.

“September 23rd, my birthday.” Sly said picking up a pen and beginning to circle things in the resort guide.

“Vain.” Carmelita shot back. At least it was a date that he’d remember. She rifled through her bag looking for something to change into when it struck. “Oh shit.” She swore.

Sly looked over at her, “something wrong?”

“The rings.” She said waving her left hand. Jacques was supposed to bring the rings they were going to use. Carmelita hadn’t even thought about it as she’d still had her gloves on. “Dammit.”

“Oh here.” Sly rolled out of the chair, getting to his feet. “We can use these.” He opened his palm, lying there linked by a length of leather cord were a pair of matching gold bands.

Carmelita leaned away, “no.” She said. “You probably stole those.”

He gave her a rueful sort of smile, “they were my parents’ rings actually.”

“Oh.” Carmelita felt like an arse. She then remembered this was Sly Cooper and immediately suspected he was lying to her. “Wait… you just carry them around with you?”

Sly shrugged, “well yeah. I mean they’re buried back in the States so I don't get to go see them all that often, this way I have something of theirs.” He undid the length of cord. “And I can keep them together, like they should be.”

Now Carmelita definitely felt like an arse. “Sorry.” She muttered her ears drooping.

“That’s okay.” Sly shrugged, holding out his mother’s ring to her. “Most other times you’d be right.”

Carmelita examined the band, it was perhaps the width of her smallest nail and plain, she appreciated that especially in contrast to the thicker ring set with tiny blue stones that Sly was now wearing. The only adornment on his mother’s ring was an engraving around the inside ‘Cooper by choice’, it read.

“Your mother must have been tiny.” Carmelita said slipping on the ring it was a snug fit

“Hmm? Oh, I suppose… I never really thought about it.” Sly looked down at his father’s ring. “Your parents are still the biggest people in the world to you at that age.”

Carmelita groaned, she really had to stop putting her foot in it.

“So what do you do?” Sly had gone back to the resort guide and his armchair. “I mean I assume that we’re not just going to go around telling people you’re a cop.”

“I’m an accountant.” Carmelita said. That had been the cover for her and Jacques.

Sly laughed so hard at that that he almost rolled out of the armchair. Carmelita seized one of the ridiculous heart shaped pillows off the ridiculous heart shaped bed and lobbed it at him.

“Shut up Ringtail. What’s so funny about that?”

Sly wiped his eyes, “just the image of you in a suit jacket and pencil skirt hunting down tax dodgers and furiously crunching numbers. You’d be bored to tears as an accountant.”

Any sympathy Carmelita might have felt for him over her earlier blunder was gone. “It’s a cover.” She snapped.

“You couldn’t have chosen something more believable sounding, like a stunt driver… or… or a parachuting instructor or something?”

Carmelita rolled her eyes, “you are aware ‘undercover’ requires that you not draw attention to yourself?”

“You are aware, dear Inspector that that is impossible for you? You’re always going to draw the immediate attention of everyone whenever you walk into a room.”

“I hardly think that’s accurate.”

“Oh? Maybe it’s just me you have that effect on then.”

Carmelita threw another cushion at him. “Your pick up lines are terrible. And you need a job, a normal, boring, civilian job.”

Sly crossed one leg over the other, one foot kicking idly and leant his head back over the armrest of the chair. “I work in a museum.” He said. “I find and appraise new acquisitions.” He shot Carmelita a cheeky grin. “Boring enough that people won’t ask but close enough that I can answer if probed.”

Much to Carmelita’s chagrin, she couldn’t argue with that so instead she gathered up her change of clothes and headed for the bathroom. “I’m going to have a shower and then we are going to talk strategy.”

“Um… okay.” Sly stared at the bundle of clothes in her arms with a strange expression on his face. “Uhh Carmelita what do you want to do about… the bed?” His voice cracked slightly with the question.

Carmelita resisted the urge to smirk at his discomfort. Ah, it had sunk in that they would be sharing this room. “What about the bed? We’re going to share it.”

“Really?” He went wide-eyed. “I… wouldn’t you rather…? …I don’t mind sleeping on the floor.”

“No.” Carmelita shook her head. “I’ve seen undercover operations rumbled for less. We are going to be adults and we are going to share.” She tilted her head slightly, throwing his earlier words back at him. “Gotta make this look good right?” And she kicked the bathroom door shut behind her.

 

A polite knock summoned them to dinner, Sly offered Carmelita his hand and she testily batted it away.

“Don’t push your luck Ringtail.” She whispered.

They followed one of the staff, another white cat, this one named Alba to the dining room. She lead them to a table where they were introduced to the other guest they would be doing their group sessions with.

They were the Medveds, a pair of Russian brown bears in their sixties. The Kirins, two middle aged giraffes and the Felidaes, a blond lynx and his delicate black furred civet cat wife both in their mid-thirties.

Carmelita felt quite young as she took her seat at the end of the table. The murmur of conversation in the room died down as a white ferret in a white lab coat and small rectangular glasses stepped out into the centre of the dining room.

“Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Eros. I am Doctor Rowena Blakely and I am the lead therapist here at the resort. On behalf of myself, all of our staff and our esteemed founder Lavan Whitaker we hope you all enjoy your stay and that we can help you bring the Eros back into your relationship.” 

Carmelita wanted to gag, Lavan Whitaker was a suspect in the smuggling and trafficking of stolen cultural antiquities and most recently in the kidnapping and trafficking of young women.

Dr Blakely continued on, outlining the sessions and various features that resort offered. Also offering a warning not to stray beyond the boundary fences, as the cliff face could be unstable. “Now I am sure you are aware our only mandatory activities are the group counselling sessions, the first of which will begin at 11am tomorrow, everything else you are advised to partake in at your own discretion.” She looked up clasping her clipboard to her chest. “Well I had best leave you to get to know each other and perhaps I will see some of you at my first seminar tomorrow morning. Thank you for your attention and please enjoy your dinner.” With that, she trotted away.

“Dear lord I didn’t think she was ever going to stop.” The lynx muttered.

“Maybe she gets paid by words per minute rather than by the hour.” One of the giraffes quipped back and there were a few snickers around the table.

“Abigail.” Her wife scolded. “You promised you try.”

Abigail laid a hand over her wife’s, “I will… I mean I am.” She sighed. “It was just a joke love.”

“Everything’s a joke.” Her wife muttered sourly.

Abigail’s ears dropped and she looked away.

“Hey you gotta laugh about something.” Sly said propping his chin on his hand.

All eyes around the table snapped to him and Sly grinned easily.

“Sly Cooper.” He said, “my wife Carmelita.” He inclined his head toward her. “A pleasure to meet you all.”

Carmelita flashed a smile, too stiff, too many teeth. She needed to work on that.

“I’m Robert.” The lynx said, “this is my wife Ebony.”

“I am Millicent and this is my husband Horace.” Millicent Medved, one of the Russian brown bears said.

“I’m Doctor Zuni Kirin and this is Abigail, my wife.” Zuni tucked one of her many tight brown braids behind an ear.

“How did you hear about Eros?” Sly asked picking up a knife and casually turning it over in his hands. He was appraising it Carmelita realised. Judging whether it was worth stealing.

“A colleague at the hospital and his husband attended last year, they said it was the best thing they’d ever done.” Zuni Kirin continued, still not looking at her wife.

“Horace and I were booked in by our children, they said they were done listening to us fight.” Millicent Medved said.

Horace Medved made a loud harrumphing noise. “Waste of money.” He grunted, his accent was much thicker than his wife’s was.

“Oh Horace…” His wife sighed.

“Our fertility specialist recommended Bobby and I.” Ebony Felidae said quietly, spreading her napkin onto her lap.

The food began to arrive to varying degrees of enthusiasm around the table. Yet another young white cat, this one who introduced herself as Blanche (and by now Carmelita was beginning to suspect that they were growing them in the basement) appeared at the head of the table and began chattering away about the carefully selected menu and the various mental and physical health benefits provided by each of the ingredients used.

Sly was now subtly assessing the vases and bright, hand woven tapestries decorating the dining room, Carmelita kicked him under the table.

“Fakes.” He mouthed at her.

Carmelita leant back in her seat, whilst it made sense that Whitaker wouldn’t put the artefacts he was smuggling on display it did beg the question, if he wasn’t hiding them in plain sight then where were they?

“… for a living Mrs Cooper?”

Carmelita was pulled back into the conversation as Ebony Felidae addressed her. “I’m an accountant.” She said, deliberately ignoring Sly’s quiet snort of laughter beside her.

“Oh just like Bobby and I.” Ebony said absentmindedly stroking her husband’s arm, a fond and easy gesture. “Are you corporate or domestic?”

Carmelita was very glad she’d done her research before this assignment as she made polite small talk with the Felidaes. She wouldn’t have picked the pair of them, good looking Robert with his gold fur and blond curls and Ebony with her perfect cheekbones and elegantly styled hair for suburban accountants, minor TV stars maybe but not accountants. Still they were nice enough and easy to make conversation with. Carmelita also kept one eye on Sly as he carried on a merry conversation with Abigail Kirin, much to her wife’s sulky annoyance.

“Are you alright my dear?” Millicent Medved leant across the table to whisper to her.

Carmelita realised her ‘eye on Sly’ had morphed into a furious glare, she much have been matching with Zuni. “Yes I’m fine thank you.” She smoothed her face back into a more neutral expression.

“You are young to be here. Horace and I have been married thirty-six years. Our daughter and our sons think that we hate each other but that is not true, sometimes these things that happen with age but you, you should still be wonder and surprises.”

“Oh trust me we do not lack surprises in our relationship.” Carmelita said. “Quite the opposite in fact.”

The older woman clucked understandingly at Carmelita’s tone. “Ah I forget sometimes, too much of a thing can be just bad as lacking it.”

The conversation moved along and Carmelita spent the remainder of the meal concentrating on keeping her smile natural and not yelling at Sly as he told the story of one of their encounters in Istanbul reworked as a romantic holiday instead of a chase. He had the whole table in stitches laughing by the time he finished.

“Your husband is quite the character.” Ebony said as they rose from the table.

“Oh he’s something alright.” Carmelita managed.

Smiling Sly held out a hand to her and again Carmelita brushed past him, ignoring the offer. He’d fallen easily into this role and that annoyed Carmelita, how easy it was for him to pretend. How easily he charmed, how easily he lied, how easily he faked his affection for her.

 

They bid the other couples goodnight and headed back to their room. Carmelita was walking quickly a few steps ahead of Sly and he moved to make up the distance.

“Not bad for our first night as couple hmm?” He whispered, mouth against her ear suddenly very close. Much too close.

Carmelita shoved him away and stormed the rest of the way down the corridor. No. There was a line, she was here on an assignment, she was a professional, and she was not going to let Sly Cooper play games with her.

“’Lita…” Sly said catching up with her at the door to their room.

Carmelita pressed her lips together, shaking her head, waiting until he followed her in before speaking. “Don’t say things like that where we might be overheard.” She hissed at him.

“Well that’s why I was whispering.” Sly said as unperturbed as ever by her show of temper.

“And do not get that close to me again.”

“Aren’t we meant to be married?”

She held up a finger. “We are meant to be having a breakdown.” She pointed threateningly at him. “Personal space Ringtail.”

Sly lifted both hands, palms out in a conciliatory gesture, “okay sure I’m sorry.”

Carmelita let out a ragged breath, good now that that was out of the way. “What did you notice?”

Sly wandered back over to his armchair by the window, sprawling sideways across it and began ticking off points on his fingers. “Aside from the fact that all the staff here all either clones or part of some kind of weird cult? The dining room is full of fakes, the wall hangings, the vases even the flatware were cheap knockoffs, Whitaker is smarter than he looks. The sheer number of cameras, I counted four in the hallway and two in the dining room.”

Carmelita frowned, she’d only noticed two in the hall and one in the dining room, she mentioned as much.

“The extras were pretty well hidden.” Sly explained. “The guy is clearly hiding something, I mean why else have all the cameras? I’ll have to get Bentley to take them out.” He flopped his head back over the armrest staring at the ceiling. “At least long enough to give me a window so I can get into the laundry room.”

“Why do you need to get into the laundry room?” Carmelita’s brow furrowed.

Sly gestured at himself, “I can’t wear this for three days. I’d like to get my cane from the vent I stashed it in too.”

Carmelita blinked. He hadn’t been carrying it she realised, it was so odd to see him without it, and it surprised her that she hadn’t noticed sooner. Her gaze drifted toward the small backpack he’d placed in the corner.

“My glider.” Sly said following her gaze. “I didn’t exactly plan this you know.”

“Your gang must be going spare.” Carmelita said.

Sly laughed, “undoubtedly. Bentley is always telling me that if he had any hair I’d have sent him grey by now. I keep telling him grey is an underrated colour.” 

“I weep for your brothers.” Carmelita said flatly. “Having to deal with your nonsense all these years.”

“I am a delight.” Sly said. “You wouldn’t have married me otherwise.”

“Not funny.” Carmelita snapped.

Sly just grinned at her. “Sorry darling.” He rolled himself to his feet. “So what’s the plan for tonight?”

“Tonight? I don’t think there’s much I can do tonight, I need to get into Whitaker’s office and look at his computer and I don’t want to get blown by being caught creeping around in the middle of the night.” She pointed at Sly. “And no before you suggest it, anything obtained by Bentley would be fruit of the poisonous tree and be completely inadmissible.”

“Gotcha, gotta get you in there yourself. No problem.” Sly looked around the room. “I figure I’d better wait a little while before I do my scouting, how would you like to kill time?”

Carmelita shifted her weight, glaring suspiciously. “I don’t need my shock pistol to incapacitate you Ringtail.”

“Of course you don’t ‘Lita, your lovely eyes alone are more than enough to stop me in my tracks.”

Carmelita pulled a face, “your pick up lines are still terrible Cooper.”

Sly laughed picking up the red pouch he normally wore strapped to his thigh, “I was thinking maybe a game of cards?” He produced a deck. “How are you at Go Fish?”

 

As the evening wore on into night proper and it began growing late Sly packed away the cards, he insisted that they would play again when Carmelita was more awake and he could go back to beating her fair and square.

Carmelita was tired, she’d come a long way and had already been jetlagged from a long haul flight back from India. She yawned looking over at Sly, he would have probably had even less sleep than her in the last few days but he seemed plenty awake and alert. She supposed he was used to being up at all hours and napping in the back of a van, two days awake was probably easy for him.

Sly shifted, laying back on the bed locking his fingers behind his head looking up at the red a canopy above them. Carmelita tilted her head back frowning, when she got out of here she never wanted to see the colour red again.

“Where did you grow up?” Sly asked.

Carmelita glared at him.

“For the cover.” He explained. “In case someone asks.”

She sighed. “Mostly in Paris and Barcelona. We moved back and forth because of my parents assignments, then when I was fourteen Mama took a promotion and permanent desk job in Paris and I’ve been there ever since. I am fourth generation law enforcement.” She said proudly and then remembered. “…Oh no never mind. Fourth generation accountant then.”

Sly chuckled, “are your parents both Spanish?”

“Papa is from Honduras but he’s lived in Europe most of his life, Mama is Spanish born and raised.”

“What are they like?”

Carmelita edged a little away from him, “why?”

He reached over to run his thumb over his mother’s ring on her finger. “I’m your _husband_ I’ll have met your parents.”

“Oh fine then.” She did want to do this undercover assignment right. “Papa is strict, very serious but he loves his work. Mama is… well everyone says she and I are so alike but I don’t see it.” She shrugged. “She’s so short tempered, runs hot, gets mad over every little thing and then next minute she’s burned out and it’s forgotten.”

Sly propped himself up on an elbow. “No, no nothing like you at all. You remember everything, forever.”

Carmelita bristled. “You think I’m an angry person?”

“Is… that a trick question?” He blinked at her genuinely confused.

Carmelita huffed, “have you considered that the only reason I’m angry is because of you?”

He laughed at that. “Do they like me?”

“What?”

“Your parents, do they like your charming husband who works in a museum?”

“No.” Carmelita said shortly. “Don’t take it personally Ringtail they never liked anyone I dated, no one was ever good enough. My boyfriend at the academy was always just ahead or just behind me in our class rankings, he was polite, from a good family, on paper he was perfect. I was with him for two years and my parents never learned his name, they called him ‘that boy’.” But then again remembering how that relationship had ended maybe her parents had seen something that she hadn’t.

“My Mom and Dad would have liked you.” Sly said softly.

“Sly…” Carmelita cautioned because there was something terrifyingly earnest in his voice and he was looking at her, his hazel eyes very soft.

“They would have loved you in fact.” He said sitting up and leaning in very close, when had she let him get that close? He reached over covering her left hand with his own, “’Lita…”

Carmelita froze, she put her hands on his chest and shoved, pushing him back so violently he tumbled off the bed. “Personal space Ringtail.” She squeaked scrambling away. She needed space, needed to breathe. Needed some objectivity, needed not to be so close.

“Carmelita…” The top of Sly’s head appeared over the edge of the bed, he tried to say something but Carmelita didn’t want to hear it.

“Don’t you have some thieving to do or something?” She retreated into the bathroom shutting the door and sitting against it in case he tried to follow. She covered her face with her hands, this was a bad idea, she was an idiot. She couldn’t do this. This was a mistake.

No. No, she could do this. She would do this, she had a criminal to catch and innocent people to save. She was Carmelita Montoya Fox, Inspector of Interpol. She needed to pull herself together.

And she needed to stop letting Sly Cooper get under her skin.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there but when she felt herself again, she stood and washed her face and walked back into the main room. Sly wasn’t there. She wasn’t sure if she was happy about that or not. Carmelita took her pyjamas into the bathroom to change, just in case and then climbed into the ridiculous heart shaped bed. Maybe Cooper wouldn’t even come back, maybe he’d take whatever it was he’d come here to steal and disappear into the night like he always did and Carmelita could finish this assignment alone.

She wasn’t sure if she was happy about that or not either.

 

Carmelita woke up with her nose pressed against something hard. She shifted but it was no good, someone had clearly placed a plank of wood in her bed. She lifted her head and found herself blinking up at Sly Cooper, he was staring at her with far more terror in his face than anytime she had ever pointed a weapon at him. He even had his hands raised.

“I didn’t… you were asleep and I was a sleep… I swear I didn’t do… you moved in your sleep and I… I…”

Carmelita frowned confused as her half-asleep brain tried to work out what had happened. The plank of wood was Sly’s chest, he had gone rigid in every muscle after she’d chased his warmth across the bed. “Oh.” She yawned and put her head back down.

She felt Sly relax inch by inch even resting a hesitant hand on her back.

Carmelita’s brain then snapped fully awake.

WHAT WAS SHE DOING?!?!?

She pushed herself away, untangling her legs from his and snatching the blankets around herself.

Dear sweet mother of mercy, what was wrong with her? Screaming about personal space one minute and then… _cuddling_ with him the next.

Sly was staring and Carmelita could feel a blush tracking its way up from her neck to her hairline. Well she’d match the ridiculous décor of their ridiculous room.

“Good morning to you too.” Sly said calmly as though he hadn’t been staring terrified that she was going to kill him thirty seconds previously.

“Good… morning.” An adult, she was an adult, she’d insisted that they share. She could handle this, this was not a big deal. She took a breath to calm herself and rubbed her face. “What time is it?”

Sly shrugged looking around for a clock, “no idea.”

9:25 read the digital clock on the bedside table, Carmelita wondered if there was time to poke around before they made an appearance for breakfast and morning activities.

“I half expected you not to come back.” Carmelita said sliding from the bed.

“And leave you here alone, without even attending our first couple’s counselling session? What kind of husband would I be? Besides you still have my mom’s ring.”

Carmelita looked down at the band on her finger, such a little thing to be held hostage to. “What did you find out last night?”

“Not much. You can’t get anywhere near the office at night, security is insane.” He listed off the cameras, the pressure sensors and preposterously enough a laser grid that activated with the overnight security system.

Carmelita shook her head, taking a dress from the wardrobe. “If I didn’t know that the owner of this place was an international criminal I’d wonder what the hell kind of resort this was…” She turned back to Sly. “…what’s that?”

Sly was holding up a loudly patterned Hawaiian shirt, “gee ‘Lita it looks like a shirt to me.”

“You are not wearing that.”

“Look there wasn’t a lot of choice in the lost and found bin in the laundry.”

“That abomination was clearly left here on purpose. I will not be seen in public with you wearing that.”

“True.” Sly said, “probably because anyone who looks at this will be blinded.”

“Please tell me that you found something else to wear, anything else?”

Sly tossed the shirt aside and produced his other finds. Carmelita selected a pale blue shirt with darker blue pinstripes, it was by far the least offensive on the eyes and was even of a shade to match her dress. Not that she cared, but ‘gotta make this look good’ right?

 

As Carmelita finished her hair, Sly came to lean in the doorway, the resort guide in hand.

“So,” he said. “I’ve made a few tentative suggestions and I’d like your input before we confirm anything.”

Carmelita watched his reflection in the mirror, “what are you talking about?”

He waved the guide, “our activities.”

“What? We are not… this isn’t actually a vacation Cooper.” Carmelita turned to face him arms folded across her chest.

“Wouldn’t it be suspicious if we only showed up to the mandatory sessions?”

Carmelita frowned, he had a point but she once again had the feeling that Cooper was just messing with her. “Alright let’s here it.”

“Okay first, ‘Food for thought – how diet can affect your mental and physical health’.” He read out.

Carmelita’s nose wrinkled, that sounded boring. “Ugh no.”

“I thought this one might be helpful… ‘Conflict and conversation – tips on talking through your problems’.”

Carmelita cocked a hip, levelling a glare at Sly. “Not funny Cooper.”

“Well according to the guide this one is the speciality of the resort. ‘Intimacy and you – rediscovering the flame of Eros.”

“No _!_ ” She shrieked.

Sly waved a hand, “okay, okay no more jokes here’s the ones I thought you might actually like. Doubles tennis.”

Carmelita tilted her head considering, she hadn’t played tennis in years but she had always enjoyed the game. “Do you play?” She asked.

Sly shrugged. “I’ll give it a go, I mean it can’t be that much different to swinging my cane around right?”

“You have a fundamental misunderstanding of how the game works.” Carmelita said unimpressed by this summary. “What else?”

“How about ‘Mediation and massage – the path to inner peace’. You’ll like that one it’s an individual activity not a couples one.”

“Right that one then.”

“And last but not least ‘Competitive karaoke – assert your dominance through song’.”

“What?”

Sly braced himself against the doorframe, knees buckling as he laughed. “No, no sorry I made that one up.”

“In a place like this, it wouldn’t surprise me.” She brushed past Sly on her way out of the bathroom. She turned realising Sly was staring at her. “Something the matter Ringtail?” Her hair was out, curling down her back and she was wearing a pale blue sundress that flared gently above the knee. Quite different to her normal attire.

“You look amazing.” Sly said with some note of reverence in his voice. “And may I say you have lovely knees, very attractive.”

Carmelita rolled her eyes, she was not blushing again. She absolutely was not. “Oh shut up Cooper, we have work to do.”

“Indeed.” He swallowed. “…Indeed we do.” He held out an arm for her to take, “but first dear wife, might I escort you to breakfast?”

Carmelita looked at him for a moment before slipping her hand into the crook of his arm. She could do this. She could do this.


	2. Chapter Two

Carmelita could not do this.

And she was getting sick of these wild mood swings as her confidence teetered, fled and returned.

Breakfast had been a simple enough affair, she had sat next to Zuni Kirin who had studiously ignored Carmelita as her wife, Abigail and Sly chatted like old friends. Zuni had eventually dragged her wife away citing their need to attend their first seminar of the day. Then Carmelita had gotten Sly to show her where Whitaker’s office was.

“Mr and Mrs Cooper… what are you doing here?” They were found by a white cat (and Carmelita honestly had no idea if this girl was one they had encountered before or not).

“Oh is this not the way to Doctor Carlisle’s morning seminar?” Sly gave the girl a charming smile, gesturing with the resort guide.

“No it’s not.” The cat frowned ushering them away. “I’m sorry but this area is off-limits to guests. Staff only.”

“Oh my goodness we’re so sorry, we didn’t know.” Sly put an arm around Carmelita, still smiling his best disarming smile.

Unfortunately, his charms didn’t seem to work on the girl any better than they did on Carmelita and she gave them a very flat look. “Yes well now you do, please don’t come into this area again.”

They made the appropriate apologetic noises and retreated the way they’d come. Carmelita could feel the cat’s eyes burning into their backs, even after they had rounded the corner. Making a snap decision Carmelita grabbed two fistfuls of Sly’s shirt and thrust him against the wall.

“…’Lita?” He blinked at her, eyes huge and surprised.

She kissed him and he responded instantly, mouth opening beneath hers, hands instinctively wrapping her hips and keeping her close. Carmelita cracked one eye open and watched the fluffy end of a white tail disappearing around the corner. Good she’d bought it. Pulling back she petted a very shell shocked looking Sly on the cheek,

“Sorry but she was watching us. Gotta make this look good right?”

“Right.” He echoed breathlessly and Carmelita told herself that he did not sound disappointed, really he didn’t.

 

And now they were sitting in the first of their mandatory couple’s counselling sessions and Carmelita was regretting that kiss. Mostly because mixed messages and partly because Sly kept looking at with that terrifying earnest expression, clearly hoping that she might do it again. And her regrets had nothing to do with the fact that she had enjoyed the kiss, because she hadn’t, not at all. She had not felt a rush when Sly had tilted his head and she had not delighted in the feeling of his hand burning like a brand through the thin cotton of her dress. No that had nothing to do with anything because it had not happened.

Doctor Blakely was beaming at the assembled couples. “Good morning everyone. Welcome, welcome. Now first off we’re going to do some sharing and talk about what we can do to enrich out partner’s experiences within our relationships.”

Carmelita tuned the woman out, she was focussing so hard on what she would now need to do to get into Whitaker’s office that she completely missed that she was being addressed for a few minutes.

“Mrs Cooper?” Dr Blakely prompted.

Oh right, Carmelita realised belatedly. They were talking to her. “Yes?”

“Would you like to share three things that you think your husband needs to improve on?”

“Yes.” Carmelita said immediately. “He’s immature, he never takes anything seriously and he is always deliberately doing things that he knows I hate.”

The doctor jotted down some notes on her clipboard. “And you Mr Cooper, how do you think your wife can improve in regards to your relationship?”

Sly scratched his cheek, tipping his head back looking thoughtful. “Well I think that maybe she needs to step away from her work for a little while. She gives so much to her work but doesn’t really seem to leave anything for herself. I don’t think I’ve seen her genuinely happy in a long time.”

Carmelita shot him a poisonous look but Cooper just kept talking.

“I just feel like we don’t spend any time together anymore, even if we could just hold hands again every once in awhile that’d be nice.”

There were murmured noises from the assembled couples, mostly sympathetic ‘aww s’ and Carmelita clenched her fists ready to combust, explode, blow her cover right there and arrest everyone in the room. She’d find something, tax evasion, jaywalking, a chocolate bar that they had accidentally shoplifted when they were six. Anything so that she could say the pack of them were liars and she could lock them up where they could never tell another living soul about this. Ever.

Dr Blakely was nodding making more notes on her clipboard, Carmelita made a mental note to find a way to get her hands on those pages later and burn them.

“Alright.” Dr Blakely said. “I think you two are going to need to do some intimacy exercises. We’ll start with handholding. I want the two of you to hold hands for the rest of this afternoon’s shared activities.” She came to stand behind Sly and Carmelita’s chairs and put their hands together, wrapping her own hands around theirs. “Hopefully through this physical link the two of you can begin to reforge your emotional connection as a couple.”

Sly interlaced his fingers with hers and smiled at her, “isn’t this nice?”

Carmelita felt one of her ears twitch, she was going to kill him.

“Now.” Blakely continued. “I’m looking forward to discussing your underlying issues in future sessions but for now let’s work on getting you two back onto the same level of emotional connectedness.”

She moved on to the next couple in their circle and Carmelita took several deep breaths and slowly counted to ten. This was going to be a long three days.

 

It was a gruelling day, Carmelita let Sly drag her to tennis and yoga and then they had had to sit through a painful session of the newlywed game. Carmelita had been surprised how much information Sly had managed to remember about her from that chopper ride to Interpol they had shared. They had amazingly enough won the game.

And all the while Sly had been holding her hand.

Carmelita was going to smother him with one of the ridiculous heart shaped pillows off the ridiculous heart shaped bed.

By the time dinner rolled around Carmelita was glad to be able to get her hand back so that she could eat. She was sitting next to Ebony Felidae again and the other woman was happy to chat.

“You did well remembering the name of the street Sly grew up on.” Ebony said.

That had been the question that had won them the game, of course Carmelita had known the answer because she’d written it in the casefile she had compiled about his parents’ murder. She smiled stiffly, “I have a head for details.”

Ebony was nodding. “Of course, it comes with the job doesn’t it. Are you two thinking of having children?”

Carmelita choked on the mouthful of water she was drinking and before she could splutter out an indignant ‘no’ Sly leant around her and answered instead.  
“Yes we are.”

With glacial slowness, Carmelita turned her head to look at him.

Sly blithely ignored the death glare she was currently beaming into the side of his head and began explaining his life story to Ebony. “I’ve always wanted a big family, I lost my parents when I was eight and I grew up in an orphanage.”

Ebony gasped, “oh you poor thing.”

The rest of the table made sympathetic noises. Carmelita wanted to stab something. 

“Have you done your genus testing?” Ebony asked.

“Ebb, love.” Her husband said softly. “Not everyone wants…”

“Our what?” Carmelita asked.

“Your genus testing, to determine your level of genetic compatibility.” Ebony explained leaning forward, moving her hands excitedly as she spoke.

The Felidaes were here following a struggle to conceive, Carmelita remembered.

“Actually we were thinking of adopting.” Sly cut in. “Have you considered it? There are lots of great kids in care who would love a family.”

“It’s certainly something we’ve thought about.” Robert said putting an arm around his wife, his golden fur contrasting sharply with her black. “Even within compatible species conception can be hard in mixed couples so it’s always been an option, Ebb just really wants one of our own.”

“They would be your own.” Sly said gently.

“Of… of course.” Ebony nodded. She looked up at her husband and he smiled warmly back at her. “It will definitely be something we talk more about when we get home.” She turned back to Sly. “You said you grew up in the States right, was the orphanage you grew up in a nice place?”

Carmelita watched Sly withdraw slightly, it was subtle, a tightness in his shoulders, the way he clenched his fingers around his cutlery a little too hard. He didn’t want to talk about the orphanage. “It was alright.” He said voice smooth and level. “Met my best friends in there, more like brothers really.”

“Oh that’s so sweet, are you still close?”

“Absolutely.” Sly smiled easily. “Don’t know where I’d be without them.”

“In jail.” Carmelita muttered and the rest of the table laughed.

Sly looped an arm around her shoulders, “no, no she’s right.”

There was more laughter and Carmelita set her jaw. Oh, she was going to make Cooper pay for this.

 

Carmelita flopped face first into the ridiculous heart shaped bed and groaned weakly.

“Tired dearest?” Sly asked.

“I’m going to remember all the nonsense that you put me through today Cooper.” Carmelita muttered into one of the ridiculous heart shaped pillows.

“Whatever do you mean dear wife? I was asked if I wanted children and I said ‘yes’ because I do.”

Carmelita rolled onto her back, “god that’s just what the world needs more of you. One Cooper is hassle enough.”

“There used to more of us… a long time ago.” Sly said softly.

Carmelita flashed back to Clockwerk lit from below, glowing red like a demon from the magma of Krakarov volcano. His grating, modulated voice taunting Sly as he bragged about the other Coopers he had killed. She shuddered, “I’m sorry.” She said. “I didn’t mean…”

Sly shrugged, hopping onto the bed and lying down beside her. He stretched languorously , and Carmelita noted that he kept a respectable distance between them, for which she was grateful. 

“What shall we entertain ourselves with this evening?”

Carmelita edged a little further away, she could see an echo of that longing expression from earlier under his easy smirk. “Whatever you have in mind Cooper I am saying ‘no’ right now.”

“Aww don’t be like that I’m not going to bite.” He gave her a wicked look. “And I’m not the one giving out kisses and initiating snuggling.”

Carmelita’s cheeks burned, “that was… I was asleep and the kiss was to keep the cover. We were being watched.”

“Hey go ahead and tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night ‘Lita.” Sly smirked, linking his fingers behind his head and crossing one leg over the other leaving a foot kicking idly. Radiating smugness.

Carmelita reached over and smacked him directly in the face with a pillow.

Sly spluttered, “no fair.” He protested grabbing the pillow nearest him and batted back at her.

Carmelita rolled out of the way before sitting up so she was kneeling and began laying into Sly with a two handed grip on the pillow. Sly scampered off the bed and Carmelita chased him around the room scattering feathers. “That’s for the hand holding.” She yelled each grievance accompanied by a firm smack with the pillow. “And that’s for the nonsense in the group counselling session. That’s for the Istanbul story, and that’s ogling me during Couple’s Yoga.”

“I wasn’t ogling.” Sly protested ducking under her swing and striking her with his own pillow.

“Your eyes were so far out of your head they were practically rolling around on the floor.” She lifted her pillow for a downward strike to his head.

“That is a gross exaggeration.” Sly said ducking out of the way, flowing from one movement to the next like water.

Carmelita pivoted on her heel still chasing him as he now ran counter clockwise. “Get back here you coward I’m not done with you.”

Sly dropped into a crouch, feinted left, dodged right and then pounced at Carmelita tackling her onto the bed. He wrestled the pillow away from her and pinned her wrists above her head.

Carmelita squirmed underneath him, glaring. “Let me go.”

Sly grinned at her, “nope I win. Got you…” He trailed off. Perhaps realising the awkwardness of their position and swallowed hard. “Got you Inspector.” He croaked.

Carmelita blinked up at him, Sly was looking at her with that terrifyingly earnest expression again. He was so close, close enough that his nose all but butted against hers and where he pressed against her was burning. White-hot like a magnesium flare. His eyes were shining gold and she watched them flick down to her mouth, almost unconsciously, she wet her lower lip with her tongue and listened to his breath hitch in response.

She could kiss him again, she realised. It would be easy. And he would reciprocate. She could kiss him and Sly would kiss her back and Carmelita knew, deep down on some instinctual level that if she did that this would end with Sly rucking the skirt of her dress and making love to her where they lay. And Carmelita would let him, she wanted him to do that. It would be easy, it would be so, so easy.

Realising that she wanted him scared her, almost beyond reason but she did, she wanted to kiss him, wanted his burning hands on her, wanted to give in to that unspoken desire that had hung between them for so long. For an instant, she was willing to throw her whole life away just so that he’d touch her.

Reality crashed back over Carmelita like a wave of ice water, extinguishing the fire in her belly and setting her ridged beneath Sly.

“Umm Sly?” She managed very quietly.

“’Lita?” Less her name more a groan of wanting.

“Get off me please?” She asked voice too high and quiet.

“Oh.” He pulled away. “Of course, sorry, sorry.” He looked away, sitting on the edge of the bed. “… I’m going to um… have a shower.” He muttered. 

“Sure.” She said and watched him slink to the bathroom before rolling onto her stomach and screaming into the nearest pillow.

What was wrong with her? Up and down, back and forth, she was a mess. An entirely too emotional mess, she blamed Cooper. This was a thousand percent his fault. It had absolutely nothing to do with Carmelita’s own… interesting relationship with her own emotional health. She let out a long sigh, maybe when they were done with this Carmelita would go see someone, a psychologist, a therapist, a real one. One who had been vetted with Interpol level background checks and wasn’t affiliated with a worldwide criminal organisation.  
Figuring she was safe while she could hear the water running she changed into her pyjamas and grabbed the book she’d brought with her from her bag. She needed to relax and think about something else even if it was just for five minutes… now where were her reading glasses? And dear lord she needed a cup of tea.

Sitting up in bed with a mug of tea at her elbow, her hair up in a messy bun, her glasses on and her book open before her Carmelita felt much more in control of herself and much less likely to do something that might compromise her career. Carmelita half expected Sly to laugh at her when he emerged from the bathroom instead he stood leaning in the doorway staring at her.

“What?” Carmelita asked when after a moment he still hadn’t moved.

“Just admiring the view.” He said with a small shrug. “You look like… like someone’s wife. Like you do this every night.”

“I do, do this every night.” She said, well most nights at least. “Like someone’s wife? I look matronly you mean?” She asked turning a page.

“No. You look beautiful, you look like you’re home. It’s a sight I could get used to.” 

“Well don’t.” She said shortly, this would last one more night and then this whole disaster would be done with.

“What if I want to? Get used to it that is.” He started toward the bed. “’Lita about before…”

Carmelita cut him off. “Don’t mention it.”

“I just wanted to…”

“I said don’t mention it.” She repeated. “It was nothing and I don’t want to talk about it.” She tried to look casual, like she wasn’t bothered but she could feel the way the tension sat in her shoulders. She felt like a bowstring pulled too taut ready to snap.

Sly seemed to get the message. “Right. Okay then.” He nodded and climbed into the bed next to her. He pulled out his binocucom and began scrolling through the output screen.

Carmelita leant across curious, “what are you doing?” She asked.

“Blueprints.” Sly said showing her. “Bentley sent them through.” He pointed out where the preposterous security systems were in place. “He sent through Whitaker’s financials too.” He scrolled some more. “’Lita when was the last time anyone saw Whitaker?”

Carmelita shifted so that she could read the account transactions better, “well Interpol assumed he’d gone into hiding about three months ago. There’s been activity on both his personal and corporate accounts but nothing on his passport. This is the last place we know he was headed to and since the surveillance on his home hasn’t turned up anything, we can safely assume he’s here…. Somewhere.”

Sly hummed, “something seems off… I’ll be right back.” He slipped from the bed, fishing his cane out from underneath it and opening the window.

“Where are you going?”

He hesitated, “… um the roof, because uh.. the uh, signal is better up there.”

And then he was gone, Carmelita watched the tip of his tail disappear out the window. She smirked and went back to her book, flicking a page with a little more force than necessary causing the paper to make a snapping sound.  
“Signal.” She sniggered to herself, yes she was sure that was the reason and not because Sly didn’t want her to hear his gang giving him shit via comms. Yes, it was definitely the signal thing.

 

Carmelita didn’t even hear Sly come back in, one minute she was alone absorbed in her book on spotting the signs of counterfeit Mesopotamian art and the next the bed was dipping as Sly climbed back in beside her.

Carmelita started, “ Holy Mother of…” She swung the book at Sly who ducked.

“Chill ‘Lita it’s just me.”

“Don’t scare me like that.” She snapped but then had to laugh at the sight of Sly on his belly, elbows up around his ears, neck cricked back to look at her. She lifted a hand to her face to hide her laughter and looked away. Sly sat up, smoothing his hair back trying not to look put out. “Learn anything?” She asked.

“Whitaker hasn’t made a phone call in like three months.”

“Interesting.” Carmelita marked her page and put her book away. “He might have ditched his phone.”

“Bentley said he couldn’t find any trace of Whitaker aside from some emails sent from his computer. So either he’s vanished off the face of the earth, yet still to somewhere with an internet connection or there’s something bigger going on here.”

Carmelita frowned, Interpol’s information suggested Whitaker was hiding here. After all someone was dipping into his accounts, someone was using his computer but no one had actually seen Whitaker in the flesh in months. “Maybe he’s gone to ground somewhere else and he’s left a lieutenant here as a cover.” She suggested.

“Or he’s nowhere.” Sly suggested gravelly.

“You think he’s dead?” Not possible, someone working on the case would have picked up on that _!_

“Not… exactly. Carmelita, what if there never was a ‘Lavan Whitaker’?” Sly said.

Carmelita shook her head, “Interpol has his records, we know he exists.”

Sly made himself comfortable in the bed, “then this guy is the universal champion of hide and go seek.”

“I still need to get into the office.” Carmelita said.

Sly chuckled, “maybe we’ll find him sleeping under his desk. Bentley said he can give us a window to get in tomorrow at lunchtime.”

“What about the staff?” Carmelita asked, Bentley could hack the cameras ( _illegal!_ Her brain snapped at her) but they still would have the army of white cats to contend with.

“He promised me a distraction in the kitchen.” 

“How is he going to manage that? I thought they couldn’t get in because of the security.”

Sly grinned at her, full of mischief and pride. “Did you know that smart appliances like fridges and coffee makers give off Wifi signals?”

“Meaning that they can be hacked.” Carmelita said slowly, catching on.

Sly nodded, grin still in place. “And guess who just spent a few thousand Euros upgrading their kitchen with a bunch of fancy new appliances?”

Carmelita could only imagine the carnage that could be caused in a smart kitchen under Bentley’s control.

“Coffee grounds on the ceiling, the fridge spitting ice cubes, oven door banging. It’s going to be like the first stage of the machine uprising. I just wish I could be there to see it.” Sly said gleefully rubbing his hands together.

Carmelita almost felt sorry for the staff then she remembered the indignity of ‘Couples Yoga’ and the holier-than-thou instructor who had dared criticise her form and her sympathy vanished. “I’m sure it will be pandemonium in the way only a Cooper Gang heist can be.” Carmelita said dryly, picking up her book.

“Hey, it takes a lot of planning to craft that level of pandemonium while still making sure that everything you do runs smooth as silk.” Sly said proudly.

“Mm and your plans never go wrong for you ever do they?” Carmelita said thinking of three thieves fleeing pell-mell through the Museum of Natural History in Cairo.

“Nothing we couldn’t handle.” Sly said smoothly.

Carmelita looked up from her book, “is that what you do with me then?” She quipped. “Handle me?” She regretted the words the instant they left her mouth, oh god what was she saying?

Sly was blinking at her, “I.. uh.. handle you yes… umm no… that is…” He stuttered, it was funny hearing him lost for words, or it would have been if it weren’t so mortifying. 

“Forget it.” Carmelita said holding her book up, blocking her face. “Forget I said anything.” It had even sounded so witty in her head.

“Yeah, uh… okay.” Sly nodded rapidly. “Uhh what are you reading?” He asked voice cracking.

Carmelita latched gladly onto the subject change. “It’s about identifying the hallmarks of forged Bronze Age antiquities as opposed to pieces of classical era European art.” She tilted the page so that he could see.

Sly moved closer, his shoulder brushing against hers. “Fascinating, is it any good?”

This lead into a conversation about the merits of the book, Sly loudly critiquing the methods the book suggested and the two of them laughing and laughing.

“And then the curator said ‘I can say without the shadow of a doubt that that is an authentic Hittite clay seal’. And I just couldn’t let that slide so I lower myself back into the room and I say, ‘I’m eight feet away and upside down and even I can tell that that’s a fake’.” Sly said, wiping tears away as he laughed.

Carmelita found herself laughing in spite of herself. “I don’t remember this heist.” She said shaking her head.

“Well I guess that’s because I didn’t end up stealing anything. I got to talking with the curator about the forgery and well by the time I left he agreed not to press charges. I stop in from time to time, help out, assess the new acquisitions.” He reached over taking her book and thumbing through it, he shot her a cheeky look wiggling his eyebrows at her. “Check for fakes.”

Carmelita sat back, hand pressed to her forehead as she laughed. “Only you.”

“I should hope so.” Sly said, lifting his chin. Smug.

Carmelita bumped him with her shoulder taking her book back, “you’re an arse.”

“Ah but you married me anyway.”

Carmelita rolled her eyes, pushing him away.

“You wound me wife, you wound me.” He moaned clutching his chest, rolling around on the bed.

Carmelita leaned over looking down at him. “Do you forget that we are not actually married Ringtail?”

He reached out and took her left hand in his own. “Well we kind of are, for the next few days at least.”

Carmelita warmed at his touch, technically he wasn’t wrong. He was looking up at her smiling fondly and again, just for a second she was so tempted. 

She turned her face away before she could do anything she would regret. Sly took his hand back and she told herself that she did not miss his warmth, told herself that he had had possession of her hand for quite long enough already today. 

Carmelita felt Sly settling beside her, shifting, getting comfortable. He could ‘get used to this’ he’d said. It was hard to imagine though, Sly Cooper quiet and domestic, spending nights in bed beside a lover rather than creeping across moonlit rooftops and breaking into buildings.

“Is it something you think about much?” She heard herself asking.

“Is what?” Sly asked rolling over to look up at her.

“Settling down, having a family?”

“Every now and then.” He said, locking his hands behind his head again as he moved onto his back. “I meant what I said earlier, I want children, not just because I’m the last Cooper but because I remember what my parents had.” He stared up at the canopy. “I remember how happy the three of us were together and I want that too. And when I do have kids I want to be able to be there for them, my dad was pretty much retired by the time I was six so he was around a lot, I took it for granted back then but they’re memories I appreciate now. I used to think that stopping, that settling down, was basically jail time but the more I think about it, the more I think that when I do have a family it’ll be a good time to hang up my cane… at least for a few years.” He turned his head to shoot Carmelita a smile. “Of course before all that I need to find the right woman first.”

“Lying in bed with your wife talking about other women, what kind of husband are you?” Carmelita joked weakly trying to lighten the tight feeling in her chest she’d gotten listening to Sly wistfully describing a happy family.

Sly blinked at her for a moment before letting out a great crow of laughter. “You’re amazing.” He grinned hugely at her.

Carmelita hid behind her book again. “Well yes.” She muttered.

Sly rolled onto his side, he looked for a moment like he wanted to say something more but also like he didn’t want to spoil their fragile peace, the moment of easy camaraderie they had obtained. So he stayed quiet, picking up his binocucom from the bedside table.

“Should we talk strategy for tomorrow?” He asked.

That had been what they had been doing originally, Carmelita remembered, before Emotions™ had come into the conversation.

“Sure.” Carmelita nodded, that was something safe.

It was quick work to plan their approach to the office. Carmelita would only need a few minutes to look through the computer and find what she needed and Bentley’s distraction in the kitchen should certainly provide them with cover they needed.

“If only all jobs were this easy, it’d take all the fun out of life.” Sly sighed putting away the binocucom. It was growing late.

“You call this easy?” Carmelita snorted. “Couple’s counselling and grains for dinner?”

“Well there’s no murderous, immortal, cyborg owl and that’s kinda set my benchmark for ‘dangerous’ honestly.”

Carmelita couldn’t argue with that, “I suppose once you’ve squared off against a monster twice, an army of cloned white cats doesn’t stand up to much.”

“Oh no.” Sly said, “they’re terrifying but I reckon we can take ‘em.” He smiled. “It’s easier to be brave when you’ve got back up and we’ve always made a good team.”

“We’re not a…” Carmelita started automatically but stopped herself, hadn’t she been there to help bring down Clockwerk twice, wasn’t she here now working with him? Yes, they were a team and Sly was right. They made a damn good one.

Carmelita snuck a glance at his profile, he would make such a good cop she found herself thinking and not for the first time.

All of his ability and skill on the right side of the law, think of all the good he could do in the world. The good that they could do together.

He’d never abandon his life, his gang, his criminal ways but maybe if she put it to him in the right way, he’d at least consider it.

If they were on the same side, it would mean the end of their professional differences.

There would be nothing stopping them.

Carmelita shivered, she couldn’t do this. She was an agent of Interpol she had a duty. She could not allow personal feelings to get in the way of her job. Regardless of Cooper’s help, now or in the past, he was still a criminal and she was duty bound to arrest him for his crimes.

She was not allowed to want.

So she wouldn’t.

Carmelita glanced again at Sly lying beside her and sighed softly. No, she would not want him.

Easier said than done.

 

The next morning Carmelita sat beside Sly at their second couple’s counselling session as Dr Carlisle, one of the other psychologists at the resort looked them over.

“Now.” The doctor, an attractive tawny coated mink adjusted her round framed glasses. “I see here that Dr Blakely has you done for intimacy exercises.” She gave them a friendly smile. “I have a suggestion for you but first I must ask, do you two dance at all?”

“Ye we do.” Sly answered quickly.

Carmelita ground her teeth as she had uncharitable flashbacks to Rajan’s ball in India. She had to stop letting Sly answer first.

“Oh wonderful.” Dr Carlisle continued. “I find that dance is one of the most honest expressions of self and for couples it can be very indicative of their level of connection. Do you have any requests for music?”

“We do love a tango.” Sly said.

Carmelita shot him a look that could have stripped paint, Sly yet again blithely ignored her and the doctor cued the music.

“When you’re ready.”

Sly stood offering Carmelita his hand, she hesitated a moment before taking it, he leant down and Carmelita felt his mouth against her cheek before he whispered in her ear,  
“Gotta make this look good right?”

Carmelita rose to her feet and let Sly lead her to the centre of the room, the two of them assumed first position. Sly’s arm circled around her, Carmelita kicked off her sandals and placed her hand on Sly’s hip.

He was staring at her intensely, hazel eyes gleaming molten gold. “Ready?”

“Ready.” She confirmed.

The music began,

They moved like they had partnered for years, falling easily into step. Sly danced just as beautifully as she remembered, his form perfect, effortlessly graceful as he moved her around the room. They danced in the Argentine style, pressed close at the hips.

Carmelita loved to dance, she always had. She missed the ballroom competitions she had taken part in as a teenager, she didn’t dance anymore, she didn’t have time. She barely had time for anything anymore.

Sly’s hand moved along her thigh to the bend of her knee and Carmelita leant back as he dipped her. He burnt like a brand, his fingers leaving trails of fire where he touched her.

This was not helping Carmelita’s resolve.

She spun out and Sly drew her back in, her back pressed against his front and his hand on her hip as they swayed together. Carmelita arched her neck, resting her head on Sly’s shoulder and she heard him groan ever so softly bending his own head toward her.

She spun again, one leg raised as she hooked a thigh over his hip and leant back one arm trailing. They were pressed very intimately together and she could feel just how much Sly was enjoying this… or rather, maybe he wasn’t? She could see him sweating, feel the faintest of tremors in his limbs and he was looking at her, and if his stare was intense before now it was something else all together.

He looked like he wanted to throw her to the floor and have her here and now and just as it had been on their bed last night Carmelita was perilously close to letting him.

Her blood was thundering painfully through her, she felt overheated, drawn tight, aching, empty and she wanted…

Oh, she wanted.

The music stopped.

“Bravo, bravo.” Dr Carlisle and the other guests were applauding.

Carmelita and Sly, frozen in their final position blinked at each other. There were other people in the room, they had both completely forgotten.

“Well now, that was just wonderful wasn’t it ladies and gentlemen?” Dr Carlisle put a hand on each of their shoulders and the two of them stepped awkwardly apart.

Carmelita resisted the urged to curl into a ball and scream at herself, WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HER?!?!

Dr Carlisle ushered them back to their seats. “What a performance. And after seeing it I think I can safely say that they two of you can enjoy a very long and very passionate marriage. Now I’m sure I don’t have to explain to a pair of pros like you but for the benefit of the others who might not know I’ll talk about ‘connection’. In dance ‘connection’ is the physical, non-verbal language that dancers use to communicate. It is essential in partner dancing, you must be able to communicate who will lead and who will follow, and it is about transmitting power and energy. And just as in dance ‘connection’ is vital to a relationship. So the level to which you can ‘connect’ with your partner dictates how well you can perform.” Dr Carlisle brought her hands together. “The more even and stable the connection, the greater the success of the dancers.” She continued with her metaphor, talking about the importance of non-verbal communication and trust in relationships but Carmelita had stopped listening.

Her head was reeling, she needed to get out of this, get away. Get some distance, some perspective before she really did throw her whole life away.

Sly Cooper was a thief, a thief she was meant to catch.

A thief who had given her his mother’s wedding ring to wear.

A thief who looked at her as if she was the moon emerging from behind parting clouds.

A thief who she desperately wanted to kiss again.

Carmelita shot a quick glance at Cooper and he gave her a shy sort of smile in return, cheeks a little pink. She wondered if he was embarrassed that she had noticed his very obvious arousal during their dance.

It occurred to Carmelita that she didn’t mind. She enjoyed that he wanted her.

Oh no.

Oh no, no, no, no.

He could be kind, he could be funny, he could be sweet.

Oh, please God no.

He made her ache in a way that she had not for a very long time.

They made a great team, they understood, connected.

Oh no. Anything but this.

Carmelita nearly broke for the door but her iron will bound her in place.

This was not happening _!_

Except that it was. 

She had a job to finish, a duty to perform. She was an officer of the law.

And she was in love with Sly Cooper.

Well shit.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look out kids the plot has arrived!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this early because I have no self control.  
> Enjoy!

The rest of the morning passed in a haze, Carmelita’s mind unable to focus as she tried to process this unfortunate revelation. She could still salvage this she, she could still fix this… she just wasn’t sure how yet.

By the time lunch rolled around Carmelita had managed to compartmentalise enough that she was at least functional if not at peace with herself.  
Sly kept shooting her worried looks, clearly he’d realised something was up. Carmelita just hoped that he attributed her jumpiness to their upcoming breaking and entering and not to any kind of emotional upheaval. Cooper could absolutely not know about this.

He’d never let her live it down.

Smug arse.

Well, Carmelita thought. If she still found him an arse maybe there was hope for her after all.

“Ready?” Sly whispered watching the second hand on his (probably stolen) watch tick down to the agreed upon time.

“Ready.” Carmelita said.

“Cameras going down… now.” Sly said, sure enough the blinking green light on the camera above them went dark. “And give Bentley a minute to get stuff happening in the kitchen.”

Even from clear across the resort they could hear the panicked screaming as Bentley unleashed smart appliance hell.

Sly grinned, “perfect.” He wrapped a hand around Carmelita’s and pulled her forward. “Let’s go.”

Carmelita moved quietly but Sly was completely soundless, next to him Carmelita was abruptly aware of every little sound she made, her footfalls, the rustling of her clothing even her breathing sounded impossibly loud.

Sly knelt in front of the door, barely even seeming to touch it before it swung open. He shot her a grin over his shoulder and got to his feet ushering her before him with a short bow. “After you, dearest wife.”

Carmelita rolled her eyes, she did not find him endearing, she told herself. She absolutely did not.

The office was a large, blinding white space like the foyer with a few wall hangings (most likely taken from Peru) and statues of what Carmelita could only assume were fertility deities on short plinths dotted around the room.

Sly was inspecting one of the statues with great interest. “Wow dude needs to work on his interior decorating skills.”

“Oh don’t worry, Interpol will give this room a lovely makeover later.” Carmelita said, booting up Whitaker’s computer. “Some crime scene tape here, some fingerprint dust there. All these antiquities,” she waved a hand. “Returned to their rightful owners. I think it’ll really help improve…” She tilted her head, a wide fake smile spreading across her face. “The holistic unity of the space.”

Sly snorted. “Get what you need, I’ll keep a lookout.”

Carmelita nodded going back to the computer, she didn’t need much. She just needed an email, a paper trail… something to connect Whitaker to all of this and then she could wrap this case up and it would be over.

 _It would be over_.

She shot a glance at Sly lurking by the door and shook her head sharply. Now was not the time for this nonsense.

“You might want to hurry it up ‘Lita.” Sly whispered.

“I’m not Bentley.” She snapped. “Give me a minute.”

She combed through Whitaker’s files, one nervous eye on the clock. They wouldn’t get another shot at this, it had to be now. Please, she thought to herself, please give me something…

And then there it was. Hidden in a drive was everything she needed, all meticulously laid out in a spreadsheet were Import/Export records detailing exactly when and where goods were coming and going from. 

“Gotcha.” Carmelita muttered pulling a thumb drive from the pocket of her dress and beginning the transfer.

A little more digging and Carmelita found a separate file labelled ‘Pangur Ban’ laid out in the same fashion, the name niggled at Carmelita’s memory but she couldn’t quite place where she might have heard it before but it looked important so she transferred that too.

“Someone’s coming.” Sly hissed.

“Dammit I need thirty more seconds.” Carmelita said, she would not leave without that USB.

Sly’s gaze darted between her and the door, he could leave. Disappear in that way that only he could and she watched him struggle with his thief’s need to run and his desire to stay and help. With a final worried glance over his shoulder he crossed the room and to her, sliding into a defensive stance ready to fight if needed.

Carmelita exited the drive, checking that her files were transferring and turned off the screen. “Sly.” She said, grabbing his arm and pulling him in front f her. She had an idea and it was a gamble hoping the same trick would work twice but they had no time to run and there was nowhere they could hide. She sat herself on Whitaker’s desk, rucking her skirt around her thighs and drawing Sly against her. He was wide-eyed, pale and staring and when Carmelita took his hands and placed them on her legs she heard him swear, just the softest little exclamation of ‘oh fuck’. 

“Sly.” She repeated. His eyes snapped up from where he was looking at his hands disappearing under her skirt and he swallowed.

“Yeah?”

She cupped his face in her hands, there was the sound of the door handle turning behind them. “Let’s make this look good.”

Grabbing Sly’s collar she pulled his mouth against hers. He groaned, pushing her down so her back was just above the desk. She felt his hips snap forward and she pushed back instinctively, her fingers turning clumsy as she fumbled trying to unbutton his shirt.

Sly pressed his mouth against her neck mumbling her name with a reverence that was almost like prayer.

There was an awkward squeak from the doorway, “oh!”

Carmelita tipped her head back, there was of course, a young white cat standing there, politely not looking at them. Carmelita sat up, hastily pretending to adjust her clothes she took the opportunity to stash her USB in her bra.

“You’re not supposed to be in here.” The girl was saying.

“Oh we are sorry. Aren’t we Sly?” She nudged Sly, who seemed to have lost the ability to speak because for once he seemed lost for words, nodding mutely and re-buttoning his shirt.

“How did you even get in here?” The girl asked.

“The door was open and we just thought…”

“Is there perhaps something wrong with your room?” The girl said in a long suffering sort of way, Carmelita suspected this wasn’t the first time she stumbled on couples in hidden corners.

Carmelita shrugged hopping off the desk, “it gets dull doesn’t it? You come all this way and just end up having sex in a bed like normal. Boring right?” She looked at Sly who just made a strangled sound. Carmelita sighed, “well as I said, we’re very sorry and we uh.. won’t do such a silly, immature thing again will we Sly?”

Carmelita really had to stop addressing him, he still wasn’t forming coherent sentences.

The white cat shooed them from the office and glared daggers at their backs until they had rounded the corner, when she risked a peep back Carmelita saw the girl hurrying away in the opposite direction.

Carmelita turned back to Sly grinning, they had done it. She felt a peal of nervous, victorious laughter bubble up inside her, they’d done it, they’d really done it. She clapped her hands to her mouth to stifle the sound, she couldn’t believe that had worked. She looked at Sly and tried to speak but when she met Sly’s gaze he was looking at her with the same intensity he’d had when they had danced.

Her breath caught and she reached for him. Sly caught her wrist and pulled her against him, one hand reaching up to cradle her jaw. He looked up, gaze flicking one way then the other searching. His gaze settled on one of the wall hangings, pushing it aside he revealed a small alcove. Carmelita blinked, how had he known it was there?

Sly moved her backwards, there was just enough space for the two on them pressed together. Sly dropped his forehead onto her shoulder. “’Lita please.” He moaned. “I can’t…” He moved against her and Carmelita gripped the end of his shirt in a futile attempt to anchor herself. “Please.” He repeated, “please… tell me you want this too.”

Carmelita should tell him ‘no’, she should lie to him. This was stupid, reckless, dangerous…

But… but… but…

Sly was burning, blazing, running so hot he was surely about to catch alight and take Carmelita with him. Consuming her entirely, like a piece of tinder.

Carmelita had always tried to be so careful, so focussed. She had devoted everything to her job and the Copper had dropped into her life and for the first time since the academy Carmelita found herself willing to put what she wanted ahead of her job. “Yes.” She breathed. “Yes I want this… want you... too.”

“Oh thank God.” He lifted his head to meet her eyes. “I hoped… I wanted… I thought maybe I was losing my mind.” He let out a shaky laugh. “Oh God ‘Lita… I…”

Carmelita didn’t let him finish, whatever he thought he was going to say there was too raw, too real for this delicately balanced moment. So she kissed him instead, resolve utterly broken by a pair of shining hazel eyes and burning hands.

Sly grabbed her thighs lifting her so that she could wrap her legs around his waist. He slid hands into her dress and tracked searing kisses along her neck.

Carmelita would admit to having a few bad ideas in her time and as far as those bad ideas went this was most certainly up there.

However in this moment, she simply did not care.

She gripped a handful of Sly’s hair, dragging his mouth up to hers, he groaned thrusting against her. Carmelita’s head spun, she worked a hand between them tugging at Sly’s belt.

Abruptly he stopped, put her down, pulled away. Carmelita let out a keening sound at his sudden withdrawal. Sly pressed a finger to his lips, head cocked to one side listening intently. Carmelita strained but she couldn’t hear anything, then after a moment she heard it, footsteps and voices, annoyed voices coming toward them.

“The Coopers again?” Dr Blakely’s voice drifted toward them.

“Yes Doctor.”

Sly pressed Carmelita into the wall and Carmelita could swear the alcove grew darker, almost as if he was gathering shadow around himself.

“And what, pray tell did they say they were doing in Mr Whitaker’s office?”

There was a polite throat clearing before the girl spoke, “well according to Jenna they were trying to have sex on Mr Whitaker’s desk.” Her voice dropped and she added. “Apparently the wife said something about it being boring to have sex in a bed, I think they’re just one of _those_ couples.”

“Hmm.. did Jenna mention if anything seemed out of place?”

“No Doctor. She did say that she found the door unlocked and when she asked Mrs Cooper how they got in she told Jenna the door was open.”

“Open? Open or unlocked?” The doctor sounded worried.

“I’m not sure Doctor I’m sorry.”

“No that’s alright, thank you Nerys. I’ll go and have a look at the office and then I think I’ll have a word with the Coopers.”

Sly and Carmelita exchanged a glance, they were blown.

“Time to go?” Sly mouthed at her.

Carmelita nodded.

They waited until the sound of footsteps retreated and then Sly slipped his hand into hers and the two of them ran back to the room.

Tumbling through the door, Sly dropped to his knees reaching for his cane under he bed and Carmelita fished her credentials from the hidden pocket of her bag. She then began changing back into her usual clothes, everything else she could leave without, everything else she could sacrifice.

“Right.” Sly said, strapping his red pouch to this thigh. “The front door is probably a bad idea, I think what we should do is go over that back fence.” He slung his pack with his glider in it onto his back. “Got everything?”

Carmelita nodded. The two of them stood in the middle of the room, their eyes met and both their gazes slid toward the bed. There would be no other chances, but there was no time.

The USB in Carmelita’s pocket would not only solve her case but save lives, they had to get out of here before they risked losing it. Her personal desires were nothing compared to that.

Steeling herself Carmelita turned away from Sly, “let’s go.” She muttered quietly.

“Right.” Sly said, voice tight and strained.

Carmelita yanked the door open, and there standing on the other side fist raised poised ready to knock was Robert Felidae.

The two of them blinked at each other in surprise and behind her Sly threw himself dramatically to the side so that he could hide his cane.

“Robert.” Carmelita said recovering her composure. “Is something the matter?”

“Have you seen my wife? Have you seen Ebony?”

“Not since this morning. I’m sorry, we were just on our way out and…” Carmelita made to gesture but Robert thrust a piece of paper at her,

“I went to swim laps before lunch and I when I got back to our room I found this.” His tufted ears twitched agitatedly.

Carmelita took the paper, it was a typed noted. “Robert.” She read. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. I’m not coming back, don’t look for me. Ebony.”

“After fifteen years my wife just up and leaves me with only a note?” Robert snapped. “No, it’s not right. And if this is someone’s sick idea of a joke it’s not funny.” He ran a hand through his blond curls. “I thought maybe someone had seen her and I could figure out what’s going on.”

Carmelita’s eyes flicked from the note to Robert’s worried face. “Have you spoken to the staff?”

“Yes. Do you know what that damned doctor told me? She said that Ebb had confided in her about these feelings, about her depression and her desire to leave… Ebony and I could always tell each other everything and she never said a word about this.” He looked at Carmelita utterly stricken. “She wouldn’t just leave me.”

Carmelita passed Robert back the note and she felt Sly come to stand behind her, his hand on her shoulder. “Mr Felidae I think you should call the police.”

“I already did. They said I couldn’t do anything until Ebb has been gone forty-eight hours.”

Carmelita set her jaw, running back into the room she grabbed a pen. “Here.” She said, writing Jacques’ name and number on the note. “This is my… friend who works at Interpol.”

“Interpol?” Robert echoed.

“Call this number, his name is Sergeant Jacques Greyfaires tell him that Carmelita Fox told you to call him, explain what’s happened. I promise he’ll help.”

“Thank you.” Robert said staring at the phone number.

“I think maybe you should go finish asking around and Sly and I will come help you look for her.”

“Thank you.” He said again, turning away tucking the note into a pocket.

Carmelita closed the door and looked at Sly, her ‘investigator’ face firmly in place.

“You don’t think Ebony Felidae left her husband do you?”

Carmelita shook her head. “No for two reasons, one why go to all the trouble of typing and printing a note unless you can’t fake the handwriting. Two, Ebony Felidae calls her husband ‘Bobby’.”

Sly nodded, picking up his cane. “You want to stay then.”

“I can’t leave now.” She’d never be able to live with herself. “You…” She began. Sly could go, he could run. Take whatever it was he had come for and disappear and she would resume the chase.

“No.” Sly cut her off. “I am not leaving you to deal with this alone.”

Carmelita’s heart stuttered in her chest, she swallowed slowly extending a hand to him.

Sly put his hand in hers lacing their fingers together. He squeezed tightly before letting go. “Alright partner, where do we start?”

“I doubt they would have moved her yet. It’s barely been a few hours so we need to work out where Whitaker might have stashed her.”

Sly pulled out his binocucom, bringing up the blueprints for the resort. “I don’t get it.” He muttered. “Why take a guest?”

“Conceit, desperation, stupidity. To prevent her from talking about something she shouldn’t have seen. There are lots of reasons, the why isn’t important right now, we’ve got to find Ebony before she disappears forever.” Carmelita said scrolling through the blueprints. “You’re the thief, where would you hide someone in a place like this?”

Sly huffed. “You can’t steal people but…” He tilted the binocucom, zooming in humming thoughtfully to himself. “If I was hiding something large, delicate and prone to making noise I’d want to be away from where anyone might accidentally stumble across it. With enough space to store it comfortably…” He frowned. “And not where it could be overly hazardous to itself. Here!” He said pointing to what looked like a small cleaner’s cupboard near the laundry.

Carmelita jerked her head in a nod. “Good we’ll start there then.” She moved toward the door.

Sly grabbed her arm. “Do you have you shock pistol?”

“No. Undercover remember? No weapons.” Besides she’d hardly thought she’d need it.

Sly frowned. “I’ll go first then.” He said, spinning his cane in his hand as he moved out the door.

 

Carmelita let Sly take the lead as they ran through the resort. She kept close on his heels as they swerved past staring guests and surprised staff.

Carmelita’s brain was ticking over, she couldn’t help but feel that she was missing something. That she had all the points but couldn’t make them line up, that the answer to this case was right under her nose and she still couldn’t see it. Carmelita shook her head as she and Sly rounded a corner and hurried down a set of stairs to the basement, find Ebony Felidae first, worry about what she might be missing later.

 

“Whoa.. whoa.. stop.” Sly flung out an arm coming to such an abrupt halt Carmelita nearly crashed into him.

“What?” She asked but as she peered over his shoulder she understood why Sly had stopped them. Someone had turned on the preposterous security system.

Sly swore, low and violent. “Where’s Bentley when you need him?”

Carmelita crouched inspecting the laser grid in front of them. “At least we know we’re going the right way.”

“Yeah, why else have motion detectors guarding the dryers?” Sly agreed. “’Lita this wasn’t turned on last time I was down here.”

The two of them exchanged a look, all this over the top security wasn’t just to keep out prying eyes, it was to keep something in.

Carmelita stood rocking back on her heels, shifting her tail around herself. She didn’t want to get singed. “Well this is your area of expertise, how are we going to get through?”

Sly’s gaze shifted analysing the bare walls and the lasers on the floor, once again Carmelita got the feeling he was looking for something she simply could not see. “There’s a gap between where the lasers are projected and the floor, I’ve seen this kind of system before. We can crawl under, it’ll be slow going but it’s probably our best bet.”

Carmelita was about to agree when her memory jogged, she had an idea. “Wait here.” She told Sly and ran back the way they had come. About halfway down the corridor, yes there. She pulled to a halt in front of a small black fuse box, she killed the power and pulled out as many of the fuses as she dared, stomping them with vindictive pleasure under her boot. It was suddenly very dark, Carmelita pulled a penlight from her pocket, it wasn’t her trusty flashlight with its clear, strong white beam but it would do. 

She ran back to Sly, pleased to see that the laser grid was gone.

“What did you do?” He asked.

“Killed the mains power. I figured if they don’t want people getting in from outside or out from underneath then the control system must be in the middle.”

Sly grinned at her, he could probably see her just fine even without her torchlight. “Inspector Fox, dear wife have I ever told you that you are brilliant?”

“Save the flattery Ringtail, let’s keep moving.”

“Good idea. They might have a backup power supply.”

On her own and in the dark Carmelita might have missed the door on the first pass but Sly with some thieving Cooper instinct was able to find exactly where it was.  
“’Lita.” He whispered coming to a stop.

Carmelita turned back to him, “found something?”

He dropped to his knees running fingers along the almost invisible seam of the door. “Here.” He said softly. “It’s here.”

Carmelita squinted bringing up her penlight. Yes there was a door, almost completely hidden, made to look like part of the wall.

“I’ll just need a second.” Sly said producing his lock picks from the pouch at his thigh.

Carmelita kept a tense watch, they hadn’t seen anyone down here and if her years on the job had taught her anything it was that no guards was not a good sign.

There was a soft ‘click’ and the door swung open, Sly brought up his cane and he and Carmelita moved carefully into the room.

The thing blue beam of the penlight revealed three bound figures. Two young white cats, both dishevelled and tear stained and Ebony Felidae, her black hair and fur lightened to an orangey hue almost like someone had tried to bleach it.

All three women shrunk back at their entrance, Carmelita held up her hands approaching slowly.

“Shhh... Shhh… it’s alright. Check on them.” She nodded to Sly to look over the pair of cats and knelt next to Ebony. She stuck her penlight behind her ear Above them the lights came back on. Shit, they had to work fast. “Ebony it’s okay. I’m with Interpol, we’re going to get you out of here.” Gently she removed the other woman’s gag.

“Carmelita?” Ebony blinked at her tearfully.

“Yep. Let’s get you out of here. Can you tell me what happened?” 

“I don’t… know… the doctor she…”

“The doctor?” Sly’s head snapped round.

“Blakely.” Carmelita spat and Ebony nodded. Everything was suddenly clear, all the dots lining up neatly in Carmelita’s head. “Why didn’t I see it sooner? She and Whitaker are in this together.”

“Very astute Mrs Cooper but you’re only half right.” Doctor Blakely was standing in the doorway and she was holding a gun. “Stand.” She ordered. “Up, away from them and you drop that stick.” She said to Sly, gesturing with the gun.

Sly bristled all over. “Stick?”

“Do it or I shoot your wife.”

Obediently Sly lay his cane on the ground.

“Good now come three steps toward me and no further. And put your hands up where I can see them.”

They did.

“You don’t want to do this Doctor.” Carmelita said. “One missing guest you might be able to explain away but three and two staff? People are going to ask questions.”

“And I will have answers.” Blakely said smugly. “My two staff are being transferred to different premises, all their paperwork is already in order. And as for poor Mrs Felidae after confiding in me about her depression, her perceived failure as a wife and her concerns about her failing marriage jumped to her death from the cliffs near the resort. I did warn you all how dangerous those cliffs are, how unstable. And the rocks and the sea are so unforgiving even taking a pair of good Samaritans searching for their missing friend. A pity they’ll never find any bodies.” She clicked the hammer.

“No.” Sly lunged forward. “Don’t.”

Carmelita flung out a hand. “Sly stop.”

Blakely pointed the gun at Sly. “Don’t move.”

“You said I was only half right.” Carmelita all but yelled, desperate to see the doctor’s weapon pointed anywhere but at Sly. “I was wrong about Whitaker wasn’t I? You’re the one in charge aren’t you.” If she could get Blakely talking, get her distracted they might find an opening.

“Lavan was a fool.” Blakely snarled baring her sharp teeth. “Always thinking small. He never could have pulled this off. He was a coward, he threatened to throw me under the bus the second the law came sniffing around. ‘This was all your idea Rowena. I don’t want to go to prison Rowena.’” She mocked. “The man was a coward and useless fool.”

“And so you killed him.” That was why Lavan Whitaker had vanished off the face of the earth for the last several months.

Doctor Blakely smiled, cold and knowing. “You’re a smart lady Mrs Cooper, no ordinary meddlers. Journalists?” She was pointing the gun at Carmelita again.

“Police.” Sly said suddenly. “Interpol to be specific. And if you hurt her, if you so much as put a scratch on her then you will never be able to run far enough. You will never be able to hide deep enough. You hurt Carmelita and I will bring the world down on your head.”

“No Sly stop.” Carmelita whispered.

“Interpol?” Blakely’s eyes narrowed.

“Yes. Our backup is on the way, you cannot cover this up.”

Blakely hissed, her small rounded ears folding back against her head. “Fine.” She muttered to herself, a desperate edge to her voice. “Fine.”

This was the face of a woman with nothing to lose. She had already killed someone once before and she traded in lives. This wasn’t the kind of woman to scare easily, Carmelita had seen this before and when people like this were backed into a corner they didn’t surrender.

They burned everything.

“You think you can stop me?" Dr Blakely shrieked, voice bordering on hysterical. "You think you can frighten me? I made this place. Me. While Lavan was content with petty smuggling and fleecing middle class idiots I saw the potential here. _Me!_ And if you think that I am just going to roll over…” The gun was shaking in Dr Blakely’s hand. “No one can touch me, if I have to start again so be it.” Gun still pointed at Carmelita, she took a deep breath steadying herself and gave Sly a very cold look. “Say goodbye to your wife Mr Cooper.”

Sly howled, snatching up his cane. Carmelita threw herself at the doctor and the three of them went down in a tangle of limbs. Sly hooked his cane around the doctor’s arm and he pulled, the gun went off, a terrifyingly loud crack in the small space. Carmelita threw up an arm as the shot struck her, hissing from the pain.  
As she hit the ground Dr Blakely’s head rebounded off the concrete floor with a smack and she went limp.

“’Lita.” Sly said helping her to her feet. “You’re hurt.”

Carmelita inspected her bleeding arm, she’d have to throw away this jacket. “It’s nothing I’m fine.”

“Let me see.” Sly insisted. 

Carmelita shook her head, civilians first. “Make sure Blakely’s down for the count, I’ll get the others out of here.”

Sly scowled laying into the doctor none too gently with his boot. “She’s not waking up anytime soon.”

Carmelita untied Ebony and the two white cats, “get back upstairs. We’ll be right behind you.”

The three if them nodded huddling together as they limped out.

“Here.” Sly said producing a handful of cable ties from one of the shelves. “Not handcuffs but they should do the job.” He flipped Blakely onto her stomach and secured her hands behind her. “Now let’s see that arm.”

Carmelita shrugged off her jacket. “I told you it’s just a scratch.” It burned like a paper cut but the blood had already slowed to a seep.

Sly’s hand closed around her arm as he inspected the graze. “I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough.”

“No. You pulled the shot wild, she didn’t do more damage because of you.” Sly looked up at her and Carmelita offered him a small smile. “You were right you know, we do make a great team.”

He blinked slowly, “’Lita?”

“You could do so much good.” Carmelita said softly. 

Sly swallowed. “’Lita I…”

“Would it be so bad? Being on the other side?”

“I.. don’t…”

“Things would be different.” She said hoping he’d understand what she left unspoken.

For a second he looked conflicted, like he really was weighing up his options.

Carmelita’s heart was thundering in her chest and she reached unconsciously for a fistful of his shirt. Maybe he would go with her, it would be complicated, it would be difficult but they could make it work surely they could.

“I can’t.” He said finally, ears drooping. “I can’t.”

Carmelita pulled away, steeling herself against the surge of disappointment. “No.” She said. “No, of course you won’t.” She turned away and walked over to Blakely pausing to collect the doctor’s keys. Jacques would be here soon.

“I said I can’t, not won’t. I didn’t say I won’t.” Sly called plaintively to her back.

Carmelita paused, she pushed away the implications of his words, a ‘no’ was still a ‘no’. And she walked out and back up the stairs.

 

Upstairs was in chaos, there were staff running back and forth and confused guests everywhere and approaching in the distance were the sound of sirens.  
Sly looked at her in a panic and Carmelita looked back. 

“You never stole what you came here for did you?” She asked.

“No, I wanted one of the statues in Whitaker’s office but it was a fake. Blakely or Whitaker must have already sold the original on.”

“So you’ve committed no crime while you’ve been here.”

He shrugged, “you make me sound like a failure when you say it like that.”

“I think that given the circumstances I can offer you a ten second head start.”

She watched a warm, bright grin spread over Sly’s face before he darted in catching her face in his hands and kissing her, Carmelita let herself kiss him back, just for a moment before he pulled away.

And then he was gone, off running, leaping up and away. Carmelita lifted a hand in farewell and froze.

“Sly.” She yelled.

Something in her voice caused him to stop, to look back.

Carmelita was still wearing his mother’s ring. She pulled it from her finger. “Together, as they should be.” She threw the ring to him, watching arc high through the air, a bright flash of gold catching the light. 

Sly didn’t reach for it, didn’t strain simply extended his hand waiting, trusting it to fall into his palm.

As the sirens grew louder, reaching a crescendo Carmelita watched Sly snatch his hand closed and stash the ring away. Then nodding his thanks he resumed his escape.

Carmelita watched him go until the spell was broken by the sound of Jacques and Chief Barkley calling her name.

 

Witness statements were collected, Dr Blakely was dragged out in cuffs and Chief Barkley clapped Carmelita on the shoulder and commended her for her work.

“Thank you sir.” Carmelita nodded politely as Barkley strode off to supervise the collection of evidence.

Sergeant Jacques Greyfaires, blue furred mouse in a immaculate suit, stood at Carmelita’s elbow taking his usual patient and meticulous notes. “Well done Inspector.”

“Thank you Jacques.”

“Carmelita.” Ebony and Robert Felidae approached and Ebony embraced Carmelita. “Thank you so much I… I owe you everything.”

Carmelita patted the other woman on the back, “I’m glad you’re safe.”

Ebony pulled back looking around, “where’s your husband? I wanted to thank him too.”

“Not my husband… my partner. He’s had to go on ahead.”

“Oh well please do give him our thanks.”

“I will, next time I see him.” Carmelita promised.

Robert gently lead his wife away, back to the medics and Carmelita noticed Jacques had paused his note taking.

Jacques adjusted his glasses. “Poor woman.” He said, and Carmelita was grateful he didn’t question Ebony’s mention of Carmelita’s ‘husband’. “I don’t understand why the doctor did that to her fur though.”

“The lighter the fur the higher the price in some circles.” Carmelita said disgusted. “I suspect that’s why Doctor Blakely was so consistent in hiring pretty white cats.” 

Jacques pulled a face, “that’s awful.”

Carmelita nodded. Blakely it seemed had a sick sense of humour, she remembered now where she’d heard the name ‘Pangur Ban’ before. A legendary white cat.

“And you’re sure you’re alright Inspector?”

Carmelita looked at her bandaged arm. “Perfectly fine Sergeant thank you.”

Jacques’ whiskers twitched. “If you’re sure. Perhaps Viola and I could…”

Carmelita clapped him on the shoulder. “I’ll see Vi when we get home.” She said referring to Jacques’ wife and her oldest friend. “See how her surgery went. Right now I want you to finish interviewing the staff, I’m going to do a sweep to make sure we haven’t missed anything. ”

Jacques nodded. “Yes Inspector.”

The late afternoon shadows were lengthening into evening and Carmelita lifted her chin proudly. Her case was solved, people had been saved.

And Carmelita felt that she knew herself a little better.

She knew now and knowing was half the battle.

It made things complicated but it was hardly as if things had not been complicated before.

She was in love with Sly Cooper and she accepted that.

Everything else could come later.

There would be time for everything else later.

And judging by the way Sly had kissed her goodbye, less passion and frenzy and more softness and warmth. The kind of kiss that promised something deeper, something more. She was not the only one who wanted to work something out between them.

The time would come for both of them to make a decision.

A decision about duty, justice and desire.

But right now Carmelita let herself enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done.

She absently rubbed her thumb over the place where Sly’s mother’s ring had sat. Carmelita had a job to do.

Time to make this look good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus the fic that would not die is laid to rest. I made a lot of complain-y noises while writing this but I'm really pleased with how it has turned out and I actually had a lot of fun doing the edit.
> 
> I hope y'all enjoyed reading this and I hope to see you next time in The Trope Pit of No Return <3

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Carmelita. She is Bad at Emotions(TM) and in a little over her head..
> 
> Next chapter should probably be up next week.


End file.
